Robbery is never funny. Except when it's described by Toledo police officers with a peculiar sense of humor. Early this morning, Scott Gibson, 44, was returning from the grocery store with a gallon of milk when, as he told cops, he was surrounded by "5 fat black girls" in the parking lot of a Kentucky Fried Chicken.


As described by officers Patrick Sutherland and Kristi Eycke in the below Toledo Police Department incident report, one of the "hefty felons" asked Gibson to surrender his milk. Believing that he was being pranked, Gibson just laughed at the request. But, as cops reported, he realized it was no joke when the "rotund robbers" began "pelting him with a flurry of chubby fists."

After the assailants tore the milk from his hands, they relieved Gibson of his Motorola cell phone. He was unable to provide a detailed description of the attackers, except to estimate that the women were in their twenties. Presumably the quintet slinked off into the night looking for some poor soul carrying a box of Devil Dogs.