It may shock you to learn that these tourists were not actually supporting the leaning tower of Pisa with their bare hands based upon the pictures that they showed you. I know it’s hard to believe. It’s not the first time a tourist has conned me though.

In related news, the Washington Monument is also not your friend’s penis, no matter how many cleverly constructed photos from DC your friend showed you. Additionally, if his penis did look like a white stone building, he may have a very serious condition or be a Stone Man like the Thing from the Fantastic Four. In which case, you should probably sell him to a freak show. In fact, you should probably do that anyway, just to be safe. That’s what friends are for.