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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Allie Brosh New Medical Standard Pain Chart

Allie Brosh took her Boyfriend to the Emergency Room because he was vomiting up vast quantities of what she thought was blood but actually ended up being vast amounts of Craisins. The doctor pointed to a little chart on the wall and asked her Boyfriend to rate his pain. Based on the faces, this was her interpretation of the chart.

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

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